


Working Until We're Fixed

by robron_til_the_end



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Making Up, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 15:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11512644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robron_til_the_end/pseuds/robron_til_the_end
Summary: I can't help myself can I? A lot of rambling thoughts about how robron can get back together. These scenes take place over a few weeks, mostly from Aaron's perspective. Oh, and Rebecca is way too reasonable here...





	Working Until We're Fixed

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of canon things, like Aaron's self harm here, but it isn't graphic.

 

Aaron stops outside the Mill and sighs. Robert’s car’s there, so he’s obviously been living here while Aaron was in Dublin. _Mind you, where else was he supposed to go,_ the uncomfortable voice in the back of Aaron’s mind says. He had known coming home would mean a confrontation of sorts but that doesn’t mean he’s mentally ready for it yet. He takes the keys out, grabs a bag and locks the car, before heading to the front door, passing by Robert’s car to do so.

He knows Robert isn’t in a good state. Had had calls from both Vic and Adam telling him so, one thing they seem to agree on. He goes in and finds Robert sitting on the sofa, feet up, watching the telly.

“Aaron,” he breathes, face lighting up as he fumbles with the remote to turn the TV off. Aaron hates the hope there, hope is a bad thing as far as he’s concerned.

“You’ve been living here?”

“Yeah.” Robert stands up and Aaron agrees with Vic and Adam. He looks dreadful, and he already smells like whisky. “I’ve not had much.”

The fact that Robert can anticipate the question probably proves that’s true, but maybe all that does is imply Robert’s not had a shower since the day before. Or even longer for all he knows.

“Look, we can’t live here together, I… are we going to have an argument over who gets the house?” Aaron says bluntly. “Because, honestly I’m tired of it.”

“You mean…”

“What, I haven’t had an aneurysm and forgotten everything?” Aaron deadpans. “No. You can’t fix this.”

“Aaron, I love you,” Robert says desperately.

“And we are terrible for each other,” Aaron says. “It doesn’t work. We can’t make it work, we just tear each other down.”

“Please,” Robert begs. “I need you. I need us to work. I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you. Please.”

“It’s over,” Aaron says. “Come on, just accept it. Don’t make this harder.”

“I’ll never see her or the baby again,” Robert says desperately.

“No!” Aaron snaps, pinching his nose. “That was never what I asked for. And even if I did believe you that you could never see your son again, which I don’t by the way, you think that’s ever a choice I’d give you? Parents who ignore their children create screw ups like me.”

“You’re not…”

“Yes, I am,” Aaron says. “And lets face it, do either of us wanting your son growing up with the issues we both have?” Robert’s silence means he’s thinking about it at least. “You will always see her. And I need time before I can even think about being maybe okay with it.”

“I don’t want her,” Robert says desperately, voice breaking a little.

“But she wants you,” Aaron says. “She spent six months pursuing you, even knowing you were taken, engaged. It didn’t stop her. She asked “how high” the moment you said jump. She wouldn’t do that if she doesn’t want you, Robert.”

“I fucked up,” Robert says, eyes wet now. “I never denied that. I messed up so completely that…”

“Yeah, you did,” Aaron interrupts. “And here we are. Look, it’s been a long day travelling, I need a shower, I’m tired and I just want to sleep.”

“Before you kick me out,” Robert starts. “Just one thing.”

“What?”

“Are you still self harming?”

Aaron knows that is a question Robert deserves to have answered no matter what else has happened between them. “No.” The relief is clear on his face and he nods.

“Can I have five minutes to pack some stuff?” Robert asks. “I didn’t know you were coming back today.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Aaron says dismissively. He goes to the fridge for a beer and ignores Robert clattering around collecting his things. It hurts more than he expects when he’s alone.

* * *

Beyond the scrap yard, picking up some of the slack he’d left Adam with, Aaron doesn’t leave the house for the next three days. He doesn’t see Robert though he‘d heard he‘s staying at the B and B. Vic‘s spare room is taken, Aaron guesses. But the work is easy. Physically it’s demanding and exhausting, but it isn’t complicated. Compared to his life which has suddenly become more complicated than he could ever have imagined.

He hears a car roll up, and expecting it to be a customer, he’s shocked at who he sees. It’s not a customer, not even Robert. He’s been keeping his distance, which at the moment Aaron is grateful for. It’s Rebecca, her irritating presence announced as she crunches on the gravel.

“Now what do you want?” Aaron grunts. “I seriously doubt you’re dropping off some copper piping.”

“Er… no,” she says. She’s showing, Aaron notices as ice slips into his stomach. “It’s about Robert.”

“Not my business any more,” Aaron says, continuing to work, though it’s really shifting scrap from one pile to another, something to keep his hands busy.

“Oh, come on, you still care about him.”

“Yeah,” Aaron says. “I do. But I can’t bear to look at you.” She looks surprised, that innocent doe eyed face that he’s not buying. Maybe it works on straight men better. Or bi, he adds fairly in his own head. But either way, it’s not working on him.

“Aaron…”

“Yeah, he slept with you,” Aaron said. “But... you know something I’ve yet to hear you admit? You slept with him too. You had the choice too.”

“I made such a mess of things,” Rebecca says. “I know that.”

“You slept with someone’s husband,” Aaron pushes. “We’re never moving on until you admit that fact.”

“He said you were over.”

“In between which round of whisky was that?” Aaron asks. “You believed him because at the time, it suited you to believe him.”

“Maybe,” she says. And maybe that’s as good as an admission as he’s going to get. “Look, whatever the rights or wrongs of it, we’re here. This is where we are, and…”

“It’s nothing to do with me,” Aaron says. “Go and enjoy your life. He’s free now, you could have the picture perfect 2.4 family with him. I am no longer in your way. Congratulations.”

“Aaron, please, I’m trying here.”

“For what? What have I got to do with this situation at all?” Aaron asks, almost laughing at the absurdity.

“He misses you.”

“When did you work that out? When you were throwing yourself at him again and he knocked you back?” Aaron asks with derision. He sees from her flinch that he’s not far off the mark. “God, you really can’t help yourself can you?”

“I’m… I’ve never seen him like this,” Rebecca says. “He’s broken.”

“What if I don’t care?” Aaron snaps.

“I’d call you a liar.”

“Rebecca, what do you want from me?” Aaron asks bluntly. “You drove here for a reason.”

“I want you to be involved,” Rebecca says. “With the baby.” Aaron snorts unattractively. “Seriously. Because that’s the only way Robert will, and I’m not thinking of myself any more.” Her hands go to her bump.

“That’s not the way to convince me,” Aaron says. “I can’t. Because every time I’ll look at your son with Robert… why would I do that to myself?”

“Because you love him,” Rebecca says. “I want this to be easier.”

“If you wanted easy, you’re in the wrong place.”

“Okay, let me put it another way, I don’t want anyone to resent this child. I don’t want Robert to, because it took away his husband, which, whether I like it or not is clearly the most important thing to him. And I don’t want you to resent him either, because he’s coming whether you like it or not.”

“Thanks for the reminder. You don’t need me to accept it, I’m done. Robert can do what he likes with who he likes, I’ve got nothing to do with him any more.”

“If you believe that, you’re lying to yourself,” Rebecca says. Aaron hates her for being right. “I know I’m not your favourite person, but… I don’t want to be a single mother with no support. Because if something happens to me, what’s left? The baby will go to Chrissie? I love my sister, but she raised Lachlan, and that isn‘t what I want. Or to Robert? Who hates the baby because of what it took from him? With you who hates the baby too? God, I wouldn’t want that on any child, let alone my own.”

“You and he created this,” Aaron reminds her. “Nothing to do with me.”

“Aaron, could you hate a baby when he’s actually here?” Rebecca asks. “I don’t think you could.”

“You’ve got a high opinion of someone whose husband you slept with,” Aaron counters back.

“Robert loves you,” she says. “That means there’s someone good there. GBH aside.” It’s an attempt at a joke and Aaron certainly catches her eyes, but he can’t laugh. It’s all too bloody painful.

“Would you really give him up?” Aaron asks. “I can’t be involved if I’m always, constantly waiting for you to jump into bed with him again. I won’t live my life that way.”

“Truthfully?” Rebecca says. “He was never mine to give up anyway. Look, I’ve screwed a lot up in my life. Too much. In this one thing…” her hands go to her bump again. “…it’s important to do it right, and I’m not going to cut you out. If that‘s what‘s stopping you…”

“You have no clue what’s between Robert and me,” Aaron says.

“No,” Rebecca agrees. “But we are going to have to cope with being in each others lives, so I want us to get on.”

“I’m not with Robert.”

“And you and Robert are probably the only ones who can’t see you’re going to fall back together eventually,” Rebecca says. “You always do.” She turns around and gets in her car, Aaron slams his fist into the car bonnet he’d been moving. Rebecca would be pretty much the last person he’d chose to have a conversation with, but she’s right about some things. Not the least that this situation isn’t going anywhere any time soon.

* * *

He sees Robert sitting in a corner of the café, almost hunching over his coffee and Aaron’s heart stops for half a second at the sight of him. To be honest, it probably always will. They have shared too much, they shared more than Aaron can ever see him giving to another person again. Robert looks up at him, then down, as if hope has all gone, it‘s been a few days since they saw each other. Clearly not all hope though, because Aaron clocks the wedding ring he’s still wearing. Maybe a part of him still hopes, then. Or maybe it’s habit, the way he did with Chrissie. Another White who’ll be present in Robert’s life forever after this. Auntie to this baby, Robert’s son. Aaron spent so long being jealous of Chrissie, turns out he was looking at the wrong White sister.

“What can I get you?” Bob asks friendly.

“Er… coffee,” Aaron says, having been distracted by his breakfast order. “To go.”

“Coming up,” Bob says with a smile.

“Hey, has Robert paid?” he adds in an undertone.

“No.”

“I’ll pay for his too,” Aaron says. Bob looks at him and Aaron bristles, he doesn’t like this kind of attention, or reading into the implications. “Just… do you want the money or not?” Bob nods and takes the proffered tenner. Aaron bites the bullet and sits opposite Robert, who looks up. Aaron was right, he still has hope, his eyes were bright with it.

“Got five minutes to talk?” Aaron asks.

“Of course,” Robert says levelly. “How are you?”

“This… it’s not about me,” Aaron says. But can’t resist throwing it back anyway. “How’re you?”

“Fine,” Robert says.

“You don’t look it.” He doesn’t. His hair is a mess, unstyled and his eyes are blood shot. In fact he looks like he could be rolling out of any bar or pub in the north of England right now “You’re not still drinking are you?” Aaron asks with concern.

“Do you care?” Robert replies bitterly.

“Look, if you’re going to be like this, this conversation’s pointless,” Aaron says, moving to leave.

“Wait,” Robert says, voice carrying desperation. Aaron does and sits back down. “I just… I miss talking to you, you know?”

“I do know,” Aaron says. Because he feels it too, it’s not just his husband he lost. He lost the love of his life, his best friend, the person he could talk to about anything. Well, almost anything, which brings Aaron to… “The baby. How’s it going?”

“Fine,” Robert says quickly, far too dismissively and it’s clear he doesn’t want to talk about that.

“Robert, we have to be able to talk about it,” Aaron says. “Not talking got us into this mess in the first place.”

“But it drove you away,” Robert says, and he looks like he really believes that.

“No,” Aaron says. “Or not entirely. You lying to me drove me away. You lying to yourself about how you feel about this baby. And yeah, sleeping with someone else on top of it didn’t help.” Robert flinches, like Aaron had struck him which reminds Aaron of the reason he started this conversation in the first place. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Punching you,” Aaron says. “Lashing out at you. Throwing a wrench at your car.”

“My head, more like.”

“Well, I wasn’t aiming for you,” Aaron says fairly. “I was aiming for your car, you kind of got in the way.”

“Which would have been great comfort to me lying in a morgue with a caved in skull, I’m sure,” Robert says, and the glint of humour is there between them. Aaron’s lips twitch, he can’t help it.

“Well, I am sorry,” Aaron says sincerely. “I wasn’t coping and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

“I deserved it,” Robert says, looking at the table again.

“No, you didn’t,” Aaron says. “You need to stop thinking you deserve it. Yes, you’re a sly scheming pain in the arse some times….

“Oh?”

“All the time, then,” Aaron edited with a slight smile. “But you didn’t deserve it, and I’m sorry.” He shrugs, but Aaron can tell it means something to him.

“You’re going to counselling?”

“Yeah, my therapy sessions,” Aaron says. “It’s good, it’s helping me.”

“Good,” Robert says, eyes warm, “I’m glad.”

“I think it might be an idea for you to see someone too,” Aaron continues.

“What?” Robert almost laughs. “Why? I don’t need to talk to someone.”

Aaron looks around, sure that no one can overhear them. “Your dad beat you for something that was never your fault when you were fifteen. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that when you were openly with a man, you keep thinking you deserve violence, Rob.”

“You talk about me in therapy then?”

“Think about it,” Aaron continues. “It can’t hurt.”

“Aaron?”

“Mm?”

“When can I come home?” It’s begging, but Robert doesn’t care. He misses his life, his house. And he misses Aaron like someone cut his right arm off.

“I don’t know if we’ll ever work, Robert,” Aaron says. “I’m not saying this to hurt you, but I was jealous as hell whenever you saw her anyway. Before. Then you lied about when you saw her. Then you slept with her. Then you got her pregnant, all the while lying to me. If I’m with you, she will always be in our lives. And I don’t know if I can live with that. But that’s another thing I’m sorry for.”

“What?” Robert asks, the disappointment almost etched into his face.

“I’m sorry that I gave you a reason to hope we’d be okay after you told me the truth. I should have admitted I couldn’t handle it. Or I didn’t expect to be able to handle it, I shouldn’t have kept you hanging on.

“I’d have been kept hanging on for a life time if you’d let me,” Robert says.

“Talk to someone,” Aaron says firmly. He gets up, pats Robert on the shoulder and leaves the café, coffee still in hand. Robert tries to hold onto the way his stomach dropped several notches at the casual touch from him.

* * *

Aaron’s in a corner of the pub, halfway through his beer when Robert comes in. He’s clearly not looking for him, because he starts chatting with Vic behind the bar. It’s only when she nods in his direction that Robert turns to look. The tired smile on his face when looking at his sister falls so quickly Aaron knew it was forced to begin with. He comes over and Aaron braces himself. He doesn’t know if he’s got the energy for a fight right now.

“Robert…” he starts tiredly when he sits down.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Robert says. “I have not given up on us. I am here, and I… I’ll wait for you. Until you’re ready.”

“You can’t do that, you can’t go back and repeat the words like this time they mean something.”

“They meant something back then,” Robert says, stung.

“Yeah,” Aaron admits softly. Because rewriting the past isn’t fair to either of them, he’d loved that Robert had waited for him then, needing the time. “Yeah, they did.”

“I’ll wait for you again,” Robert says.

“It’s not that simple.”

“Did you mean your vows?” Robert asks, and he’s desperate, Aaron can tell. “For better, for worse. Marriage isn’t easy, it’s not supposed to be.”

“Did you mean yours?” Aaron counters. “I promise to be faithful,” he reminds him. “Don’t you dare throw that back in my face.”

“I don’t want to argue.”

“I don’t either,” Aaron says. “I’m too tired to argue.”

“What can I do to make this right?” Robert asks. “Tell me, anything. I’ll do anything.” And Aaron actually believes he would.

“I need to know when you see her,” Aaron says. Robert looks uncomfortable at the slight suggestion of that.

“I won’t…”

“You will see her,” Aaron says. It’s tired and well worn territory now. “She’s carrying your son, you can’t not see her. It doesn’t work that way.”

“But…”

“If I know when you’re seeing her I won’t constantly imagine you having sex with her when I was too stupid or too trusting to notice.” Robert flinches but it needs saying. The images running through Aaron’s mind when he thinks of them together… well, it’s more graphic than Aaron knows Robert even remembers of it.

“I’m never going there again,” Robert says.

“Well, time will prove that one then, won’t it?” Aaron says. “Leave me alone to finish my drink.” Robert nods, still looking a little crestfallen but he does as Aaron asks.

* * *

 _The baby’s kicking._ It’s a text message Aaron received, which even though he’d asked for, still hurts. It’s quickly followed up by an _I’m sorry_ text.

 _Don’t be_ Aaron replies. _It means everything’s okay._ There’s a wait, and then Robert replied.  
_Doesn’t mean I don’t hate this._ Aaron can sympathise totally.  
_I do too._

* * *

 

“What the hell happened to you?!”

Aaron whips around to see Robert. Looking at him in shock. “Oh, nothing, I’m fine.”

“You’ve got a black eye!” Robert said.

“I’m fine,” Aaron repeats. “It’s nothing.”

“Are you hurting yourself again?”

“No.”

“Aaron, show me!”

“No,” Aaron says again, this time louder. They’re in the middle of the street, Aaron doesn’t need him creating a scene when it’s so unnecessary.

“Please, just to stop me from panicking,” Robert begs.

“How stupid have I got to be to give myself a black eye?” Aaron asks. “I’m fine. It was an accident.”

“W… was it… I hate myself for asking but, have you got a new boyfriend getting violent with you?” Robert’s face looks like this is the scenario he would hate the most for various reasons. Both for someone else, and the fact that Aaron being hit is never a good prospect no matter who’s doing it.

“No,” Aaron says. “Just drop it.”

“No, not when you’re hurt,” Robert continues. Aaron nods and they go back to the Mill, because its obvious they’re gathering a crowd of villagers. Robert doesn’t argue.

“I was boxing,” Aaron says.

“What?” Robert says with a scowl, not understanding that at all.

“It was suggested to me as a coping mechanism,” Aaron says. “I enjoy it.

“So.... that’s how you’re managing your anger is it? By punching other people?!” Robert asks in horror.

“No, it’s not like that,” Aaron says, exasperated. It‘s hard to explain. “I get… it’s similar to how running was for me. The exercise… well, it’s an outlet, but without pushing it too far. And when I’m really pissed off and want to hit something, I hit the punching bag, not another person, Robert. I just… I wasn’t quick enough, so… the black eye.” He rolls his eyes and goes to the kitchen to make tea, a habit.

“That’s not a solution,” Robert warns.

“No,” Aaron says. “But it’s better than hitting other people and lashing out or hurting myself. I never said it was perfect.”

“Just…” Robert knows he’s not going to talk him out of it, can see it on his face that Aaron‘s determined. “Be careful. I kind of like your face in one piece.”

Aaron lets out a full smile at that. “Want one?” he asks, nodding at the kettle and Robert looks relieved and nods. This is an invitation. It could be a start.

* * *

 

“Fancy a drink later?”

“Yes,” Robert replies before Aaron’s so much as finished.

“Not here though,” Aaron says. “Don’t need a bunch of my relatives or Rebecca listening in thanks very much.”

“Where?”

“In town?”

“Sounds good,” Robert says. Honestly, he’d meet Aaron anywhere, the location doesn’t matter.

* * *

 

Robert’s at the bar, getting another round in and he’s being admired by a tall muscled man three patrons down. The man moves around the customers, getting to Robert and engaging him in conversation. Aaron shouldn’t feel protective, or jealous. Robert is not his to lose any more exactly, but he hates seeing another man try it on with him. Even if Robert doesn’t react; and lets face it, he might do. Not like he’s taken, right? Robert smiles, but backs up a step and Aaron relaxes. He knows Robert’s moves, knows them better than his own and the way he looks? That’s a not interested sign.

But it does give Aaron pause. He looks at Robert, actually looks at him physically, taking away the man he knows and fell in love with. He’s gorgeous. He really is fit and Aaron doesn‘t acknowledge that often enough. Aaron knows those patterned shirts of his hide a slight stomach, but you can’t tell now, from the way he’s standing. He just looks…. Like a blond God to be honest, with his hands on the bar, waiting to pay for their drinks. And the knowledge of exactly what those large hands can do to him, can make him feel… yes, that has him wanting Robert immensely.

By the time Roberts back with their drinks, Aaron’s lost the thread of conversation that seemed so important. “What?” Robert asks. Aaron shakes his head, but his eyes linger. And unless Robert has forgotten in the weeks, or months really since he last saw it, Robert will know this is a sign of want. The way his eyes flick, Robert knows. But he’s not sure, not sure at all and in this instance, getting under Robert’s self confidence, it’s a turn on.

* * *

The taxi on the way home is slightly uncomfortable, but in a good way. There’s a frisson between both of them, that they haven’t felt in far too long. Like it’s new and familiar at the same time. Aaron’s in charge, Robert’s still too hesitant and when Aaron’s fingertips gently graze Robert’s thigh, Aaron chuckles at the way Robert swallows. Aaron moves his fingertips higher, knowing he’s teasing Rob, knowing he’s liking it too. This isn’t quite new, but it is exciting.

“You coming in?” Aaron asks when the taxi’s passed the Emmerdale sign. They’re only a couple of minutes from home.

“Can I?” Robert asks huskily. He’s nervous, understandably so, but right now Aaron doesn’t want that. He wants Robert to show him what he’s been missing tonight, feeling the desperate need for him.

“Yeah.” Aaron moves his hand away from Robert’s thigh and he sighs at the loss of touch. He loves Aaron touching him, whatever the circumstances.

“Robert, I’m here,” Aaron reassures him. Aaron moves closer and kisses him. It’s been so long that Robert doesn’t respond straight away. And then he does, because Aaron’s lips are soft and beautiful and the pressure is so gorgeously familiar, and _his husband_ is kissing him.

“Oi! You two going to pay the fare or what?” the driver says, friendly enough. “Looks like you’re on a promise there,” he adds with a wink when Aaron hands over the cash.

“Yeah, I think you are,” Aaron says, nodding towards the Mill. “Okay?”

“Yes,” Robert says. “A bit overwhelmed, but yes.” And Aaron kisses him again. This is not going to be easy, but they’re here. And for tonight, that’s all that matters.


End file.
